What’s In A Name?

One of the most important aspects of creating a paranormal investigation team is selecting a proper name.  The name must denote competence, ability, compassion, integrity, etc.  A team’s name can either boost them to superstardom, or be the nail in their coffin.  The name is often the first thing the general public will see, and the decision to contact said team will be based solely on that ONE THING.

Also, it must spell a word.  The more clever the acronym, the better the team.

A good place to start is to think of a word that ends in “ps,” and adapt it to your location, as the “ps” will always be interchangeable with “paranormal society.”  T.A.P.S. did it, and it has worked well for them, although using the word “the” as part of your acronym is kind of second-rate, so try and steer clear.  For example, if you live in Providence, you could call yourselves the Providence Area Paranormal Society, or P.A.P.S.  Further, if you are a member of P.A.P.S., you could create another acronym to describe your methodology, like a systemic mechanized entire area recon, or S.M.E.A.R.  Ergo, you now have the patented P.A.P.S. SMEAR method of investigating.  Easy to read, easy to remember.

If you would prefer to refer to your team as a “research society,” that will also work really well, as many common words end in “rs.”  For example, if you want to call yourselves the Friends United Concerning Kids’ Experiences Research Society, you can easily just call yourselves F.U.C.K.E.R.S.  People are going to call you that anyway, so you might as well live up to the name.

Perhaps your group is slightly more spiritual and esoteric than other more technology-based groups.  You may consider calling yourselves the Vortex Alliance Group Investigating Noetic Assertions…V.A.G.I.N.A.  See?  You’re getting the hang of this, now, aren’t you?

Let’s think of some more –

Para-Truth Investigators, Truth Seekers…Para-TITS.

Supernatural Haunting Investigation Team…SHIT.

Chicago-Land Investigation Team…start filling in the blanks, kids.

Florence Area Research Team

Boston Investigative Team Exploring Metaphysical Experiences.

Louisiana Investigative Coalition’s Knights – Macabre Explorations

Friends United Concerning Kids – Organization Fighting Fear (a sub-group of F.U.C.K.E.R.S.)

Paranormal Exploration Discovery Organization – files (a patented system of cataloging evidence)

Wilmington Historical Organization Researching Experiences

Texans Exploring Supernatural Theories Investigating Claims, Lies, and Exaggerations

Lawton Investigation and Research Society

Clinton Historical Examiners Administering Truth

Tucson Historical Inaccuracy Examiners Vocalizing Exaggerated Situations (Hey, I think we’ve met these guys!)

Associates Supporting Supernatural Historically Accurate Truth

Branson Extreme Associates Specifying Truth in All Licensed Investigations Tracking Yeti

Missouri Organization Tracing Historical Experience Research (Often works alongside F.U.C.K.E.R.S.)

Dallas Instrumental Licensing Directive Organization Encouraging Acceptance, Teaching Experimental Research

Kids Investigating Supernatural Superstition, Making Youth Accept Spooky Specters!

Tennessee Wildlife Anomaly Team Leading Investigative Crypto-zoological Kindred Spirits

Given those copy written and proprietary examples, you can clearly see how the name of one’s paranormal investigation team can have a real impact on your overall success.  Once you have chosen the name that conveys the true spirit of your endeavor (much like the above examples) you can feel confident in the knowledge that your team will be equally successful!

 Good Luck!

Author’s Note:  Please be advised that these are names generated for this post and intended as satire.  Any similarity to any existing groups is purely coincidental.  Although, if there are any similarities, you ought to consider changing your name.

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About Katie Mullaly

Katie Mullaly is the author (along with Patrick) of the very popular Scare-Izona: A Travel Guide to Arizona's Spookiest Spots and Tucson's Most Haunted. Their third book - Finding Ghosts in Phoenix - will hit the shelves this fall, and two more books are currently in production. As well as writing for the hugely popular "The Buzz Media" website, she can frequently be seen as a featured extra in most of Peter Leon's films. She is her own Easter egg. Basically, she's awesome. She would also like to meet Adam Lambert because he's cool on a cellular level. So, if anyone can hook that up for her, that'd be great.

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9 Responses to “What’s In A Name?”

  1. Tinner August 19, 2010 at 3:18 pm #

    BWAHAHHAHA! I STOPPED BREATHING TWICE!

  2. Riyad Kalla August 19, 2010 at 4:15 pm #

    So fucking awesome, totally started reading this thinking “Ohhh interesting, professional help!” and then everything just declined from there after PAPS was established.

    As always Katie, you are a joy to read.

  3. Linda August 19, 2010 at 5:45 pm #

    FAN-FREAKIN-TASTIC! (read in a Peggy Hill voice) Is it any wonder you’ve been making me laugh for the last quarter century? Seriously, I counted and it’s been 25 years.

  4. Mikal August 19, 2010 at 7:00 pm #

    Denver Investigators Challenging Knowers And Seekers of the Supernatural

  5. Katie Mullaly August 19, 2010 at 7:11 pm #

    Metaphysical Investigative Knowledge Alliance League :)

  6. GJ August 19, 2010 at 9:36 pm #

    I saw the title and I thought it was going to be about Patrick whining about book credit again.

    • J Patrick Ohlde August 23, 2010 at 12:20 am #

      You’re a dick.

      • GJ August 23, 2010 at 1:36 am #

        Was it something I said?

  7. Riyad Kalla August 19, 2010 at 10:47 pm #

    R I Y A D !!!

    Wait… I don’t get how this works.

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