Glommage is a phrase that has been coined to represent the act of attempting to take what is not yours. The original phrase is “glom onto,” but we have modernized it and put it to good use.
There are really two types of glommage at play in any given scenario: Typical glommage – which equals brazen, unabashed takery, and then there is the Mobius strip of glommage – which represents healthy piggybacking of one skill set onto another’s project. Professional backscratching.
Unfortunately, my recent experiences have leaned more into the realm of straight up “I just wanna take some of your shit.” Now, as if we hadn’t broadcast this tidbit enough, Patrick and I have written a couple of books together that people seem to really enjoy, and we have achieved a modicum of local notoriety in certain circles. As a result, we have been thrust into groups that have made it their jobs to try and take a piece of what we do.
We have someone who routinely introduces herself as our publicist, whom I have not heard from in – literally – months, and that was just to tell me how unprofessional my husband was because he didn’t return a call from her that she never actually made – Oh, and she needed to use a connection of mine to get into a place for free. This is after taking several copies of our book – intended for promotional use – and passing them out to people that she wanted something from that had nothing to do with us…she didn’t even send so much as a press release to any of the local papers.
Most recently, though, and it’s unfortunate if anyone recognizes themselves in it, I have had the experience of people catching wind of projects that Patrick and I are working on and saying, and I quote, “I want part of that.”
“I want part of that.”
Yeah, well I want part of Microsoft, too.
For no other reason than because people make the declaration, they seem to feel a sense of entitlement to benefits achieved through projects to which they have no logical or meaningful bond. Just, simply, “I see the potential for money and I would like some because I know you.”
Well, respectfully, that is too Goddamned bad. Sadly, this type of interaction has become part and parcel for the type of work we do, and it is jading me more and more every day. It is so ridiculously infuriating that anyone would even think that it’s okay to do that. We have wallowed through all the shit, we wrote the proposals, we wrote the books, we do the appearances and answer all the combative questions…but let me just hand some of the tiny profit we realize over to someone who says, “I want part of that.”
Somehow it has become our job to make people feel better about themselves and to hold their hands and walk them to success’ front door. Well, that ain’t happening. Success isn’t even taking MY calls, at this point, so I will be DAMNED if I am going to make myself someone ELSE’S stepping stone.
Here is some advice to all the glommers out there: Get off your dead lazy asses and do it your damn selves. Stop hating on ”the man” who you think is bringing you down, and take an action – any action – that might get you a step farther towards your own goals. This particular path that I am walking right now, is MINE. Not yours…MINE. Whether I make $34.00 or $34,000, again – it is MINE and I am not planning on doling it out to anyone else.
If that doesn’t answer the unspoken question, let me make it perfectly clear: I will not be giving you any money, I will not be giving you any freebies, I will not be attaching my name to projects just to make you look better in the eyes of bloodsucking leeches. In other words, “What’s in it for ME?”
If I stand to gain nothing, I will invest nothing…bottom line. After all, everything counts in large amounts.
Editor’s Note: A new book you say? Getting ready to publish you say? <twirls mustache and flips coin in other hand>