This just in…the remains of an alleged Bigfoot have been revealed by two apparent fucktards from Georgia. (fucktards not pictured)
A press conference held today at Happy Hank’s motor lodge in You’ve-got-to-be-fucking-me, California revealed that the photo of a carcass that was originally thought to be Ron Jeremy, status post drinking binge, is – in fact – not. A careful examination of Ron Jeremy shows that it is not his foot that is big.
The photo that was intentionally leaked and has since been widely circulated depicts a big, fuzzy cadaver with a class-three malocclusion, jack-knifed inside of an uncovered Frigidaire. The location of this Frigidaire is a closely guarded secret, but the junkyard-like background suggests that it is most likely being kept on their grandmother’s back porch in Ballsack, Arkansas.
The press conference further revealed that the individuals who discovered the remains in a random and unintentional nature hike are, in an unprecedented coincidence, involved with a group called Searching for Bigfoot, Inc.
It should also be noted that, per the organization’s website, Searching for Bigfoot, Inc. has exclusive rights to all publishing rights, photo rights, television and film rights, production and distribution rights and other commercial opportunities related to the discovery and findings regarding this body and these creatures. Interested parties may contact Searching for Bigfoot, Inc., in writing.
PETA has announced a press conference slated for next week to discuss its plans for spearheading the Bigfoot rights movement, including celebrity endorsements from Neil Patrick Harris, Nicole Richie, and a nude layout by Pamela Anderson with the title Big Boobs not Bigfoot.
Updates will be announced as information is made available. Now back to your regularly scheduled enema…
