Smile!

chiclets-mexican-gum

I have this thing about teeth.  It’s one of the first things I notice about people when I meet them, and I brush my own teeth with a rabid sort of OCD that makes the bristles of my toothbrush part like the red sea and lay flat against the plastic.  Suffice it to say, I value my teeth and I fully judge others based on the condition of their teeth.

That being said, I find myself noticing each time a celebrity goes out and buys him or herself a new set of veneers.  (Here’s a widely overlooked fact about human teeth:  the teeth you are born with are the teeth you are supposed to have.  If you look in a mirror, you will notice that the shape of your teeth matches the shape of your face…I’ll wait while everyone tests that theory)…In my humble opinion, it is both aesthetically pleasing and structurally vital for one to take great care of the teeth that God gave them rather than paying for a set of Lee Press-on Teeth, lest your mass-produced pebble-tech teeth make you look like this:

matt-dillon-something-about-mary-horse-teeth

Seriously, think about ANY Hollywood celebrity and picture their teeth.  Chances are they have had a set of Chiclet veneers placed over their perfectly good, natural teeth.  Nicholas Cage, Chris Rock, Elliot Yamin…the list goes on.  Even Miley Cyrus had her fucking baby teeth covered in veneers (of course, hers have a long stem on the back, so you can just poke them into her potatohead):

miley-cirus-teeth-veneers

As if she didn’t look like an 18 pound bag of ass before…now she SOUNDS like she has a mouth full of potato salad, thanks to the second row of shark-teeth she had glued to the first set.  Here’s another example:

beckham-posh-spice-veneer-teeth

Perfectly fine teeth…freakishly unnatural teeth.

Editor’s Note:

victoria-beckham-before-and-after-plastic-surgery

Fake tan, fake teeth, fake boobs, fake ass…and they still don’t look good.  That reminds me, has she done ANYTHING else besides being “Posh?”  Ugh.

Editor’s Note… again:

victoria-beckham-gross-fake-boobs

Editor’s Analysis: siiiiiiiiiickkkkkk

Here’s the deal.  Fake isn’t pretty.  Fake is fake.  If you want straight teeth, visit the orthodontist.  Why can’t chubby girls with their own teeth and boobs be considered pretty?  Just wondering.

As if these veneers aren’t creepy enough, get a load of THIS…

child-beauty-pageant-brandi-smiles-with-flipper

This little pageant victim is wearing what is known as a “flipper.”  Evidently, it is undesirable for little girls competing in pageants to have missing, crooked, or otherwise unsightly teeth, so their mothers and pageant coordinators provide them with vendors who will gladly create a snap-on set of false teeth so that they can be “glitzy” and “glam.”  Comfort is not a priority.  Beauty is.

What is the shelf life of these fake teeth?  Will they expire and start popping out of celeb mouthes in a mass exodus of porcelain?  Or is like painting a house, where layers and layers build up over time, so much so that they will eventually not be able to close their mouthes?

this creeps me out…what’s next?  Kneecap veneers?

Tags: , , , ,

About Katie Mullaly

Katie Mullaly is the author (along with Patrick) of the very popular Scare-Izona: A Travel Guide to Arizona's Spookiest Spots and Tucson's Most Haunted. Their third book - Finding Ghosts in Phoenix - will hit the shelves this fall, and two more books are currently in production. As well as writing for the hugely popular "The Buzz Media" website, she can frequently be seen as a featured extra in most of Peter Leon's films. She is her own Easter egg. Basically, she's awesome. She would also like to meet Adam Lambert because he's cool on a cellular level. So, if anyone can hook that up for her, that'd be great.

, , , ,

11 Responses to “Smile!”

  1. Celebrity Smile July 23, 2010 at 9:16 am #

    Posh Spice was a lot hotter when she was in the Spice Girls, but she does have a nice smile

    http://www.CelebritySmile.us/

  2. Ashley January 12, 2011 at 8:56 pm #

    Yes, let’s judge others negatively based on their outward appearances, while…criticizing people who feel they need to change their outward appearance.

    You sound like someone with incredibly low self-esteem. Please grow up.

  3. Seanster January 28, 2011 at 7:59 pm #

    Haha..so funny. This coming from Katie Mullaly who the only decent looking thing is her teeth, everything else is comparable to an unwiped ass. Her fat head is so huge and manly along with her man fingers. Couldnt even make a goats pecker hard.

    It was funny but like others above how crazy is someone to judge a person on their teeth, its not. It is shallow and only shows a cheap character with deep insecurities causing the sarcastic humor of others. Thank God for veneers! Some people would never have a decent smile or have to go through life with so much hurt that they will never have a chance at full happines.

    Go make fun of someone else like your own ugly fat ass, man bitch.

  4. Julie June 30, 2011 at 7:20 pm #

    Seanster,

    Way to continue the cycle.

  5. Ashley July 1, 2011 at 7:05 pm #

    Wow, Katie, you sound like such a judgmental person. While I totally agree that a lot of Hollywood celebs have veneers done because they want to look more stylish, and perhaps maybe it wasn’t even necessary to further their career, I also know that sometimes these dental procedures are necessary. Take my self for example: I had beautiful teeth when I was young, and then after years of wear, grinding, TMJ and braces for too many years to correct issues, etc. forced me to get not veneers but crowns on my teeth. In fact, I just had them done today and they look 20 times better than what I had in my forties. I spent thousands to restore my teeth so I wouldn’t eventually lose them and end up with dentures basically.

    So, Katie, really, do some research before you put others down for trying to correct their appearance. Not everyone is born with nice teeth and not everyone is fortunate enough to keep theirs for a lifetime.

    Cheers,

    Ashley

  6. Luiz January 11, 2012 at 4:45 pm #

    I tink that you´ve got be a dentist, have the patience in the chair to say something about their teeth… I´m a dentist myself, so… i can say that. And about Victoria´s boobs, well, those pics are obviously photoshopped… just look in the videos… they just don´t look like that.. and I bet bet that there´s only one person who may say if they´re ok or not, and that person is Victoria…

    • GidgetA June 9, 2012 at 3:51 pm #

      No Luiz: Those are actually her surgically-enhanced boobs. Nice try at defending them, though.

  7. Monique December 19, 2012 at 3:40 am #

    Lol, you must be sad , lonely and depressed. With serious issues about the way you look.
    Quit hating! People are free to do whatever they want with themselves!
    Looks like you are spending a lot of time researching celebrities and what they had
    done. Spend that time in the gym or something to feel better about your looks. jeez

  8. Celebrity Smile October 1, 2013 at 11:03 pm #

    People can change everything but not a smile

  9. Marlon July 17, 2014 at 1:48 am #

    I leave a response when I especially enjoy a article on a site or if I have something to valuable to contribute to the
    discussion. It is caused by the passion displayed in the post I browsed.
    And after this post Smile!. I was actually excited enough to drop a commenta response :
    -P I do have a few questions for you if you tend not to mind.

    Could it be only me or does it seem like some of these responses appear like coming from
    brain dead visitors? :-P And, if you are writing at other online social sites, I would like to follow
    you. Could you list all of your public pages like your linkedin profile,
    Facebook page or twitter feed?

    My web site – nike lunar 5.0

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Introduction to Philadelphia’s Plastic Surgeons | Great Beauty Help - June 5, 2013

    [...] additional information concerning this topic address [...]

Leave a Reply


− 1 = 4