Patrick’s 10 Least Favorite Movies of 2011

Okay here we go. Same deal as the list of my favorite movies. This are not the objective worst films of the year but rather the ones that I liked least. In some cases, I outright hated them. If you want to comment or debate then do so in the comment section below but please list your least favorite movies of the year. Also remember that if I don’t like a movie that you love it doesn’t have any bearing on me as a person nor you as a person. That being said, I don’t like these movies so  I am going to say so in hateful terms. If you don’t care for that then get the fuck out and don’t whine about it later. If you stay and get all pissy then don’t cry about your feelings being hurt.

10. Your Highness:

While this is on my least favorite list, I don’t hate it in the same way I do the others. I was mostly just disappointed it failed to live up to its potential. I like the people involved in this movie, particularly Danny McBride and the concept was a good one. Sadly, the execution was lacking and I found far fewer laughs than I should have. It is too bad. A lot of talent and potential were wasted here and what could have been a great movie was rendered mediocre.

9. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides:

After the first three Pirates made several boat loads of money, Disney realized that they could keep the money flowing if they trotted it back out for a fourth time. In effort to do this, they provided a stand alone movie that attempts to recapture the fun and magic of the first three films. Unfortunately they adapted the script from a book having nothing to do with the franchise and shoe horned it into the mythology. The result is a film that feels completely off and the harder they try to recapture the feel of the first film, the sadder it gets. This is another movie that I didn’t hate but I sure didn’t like.

 

8. Hall Pass:

Being a Farelly Brothers fan from way back I was really hoping this movie would pan out. It might be this heightened expectation that led to the crushing and bitter disappointment or it might just be that it was just not very funny. That is actually a misstatement. The parts that are funny are punishingly funny but unfortunately those moments are too few and far between and what fills the gaps is grossly substandard material that left me totally straight faced. The first few slots on this list are all about missed potential and this was the greatest disappointment out of the three. I wanted so much to love this movie but unfortunately it did not love me back.

7. Green Lantern:

Marvel had a great year at the movies with three great super hero movies. Unfortunately, DC did not. I was never really sold on their decision to adapt Green Lantern in the first place given that some things just don’t translate to live action without becoming enormously silly and as it turns out I had it right. Pretty much every decision made on this movie was the wrong one from general tone to casting. The effects were sometimes cool but were mostly overwhelming and silly looking. Entire sections of the movie may as well have been a computer animated cartoon and not a very good one at that. The plot has huge black hole sized gaps in it and has a highly questionable message about the strength of humanity. The whole thing is a mess and I had to sit through it four times in the theater. A mild dislike grew into a sturdy hatred and I might rip my hair out if I ever have to endure it again.

 

6. The Rite:

The Rite had me for the first half or so when it was a compelling film based around examining the psychological as well as spiritual aspects of alleged possessions. Then it devolved into every other horror movie about possession ever and essentially ate itself. It pulled out every tired cliche from the musty genre’s broom closet and scattered it all over the place. I have never gone from enjoying a movie to hating it so quickly in all my life and I am really disappointed that they had to take something that could have been unique and thoughtful and turned it into another cookie cutter horror movie. Sir Anthony Hopkins’s acting breaks down like he is having a grand mal seizure as well and it just becomes pathetic in its last half.  I am not sure if this was studio interference or just bad filmmaking but it rendered the film hackneyed and unwatchable.

5. 30 Minutes or Less:

Yet another movie from a group of people with a great pedigree that fails completely. Unable to decide the sort of movie it is, 30 Minutes or Less meanders around its run time dipping its toes into the waters of other genres as if it is trying to find a place to truley fit in. It never does and we are left with a completely uneven and largely unfunny movie that tries really hard and fails even harder. Again, Danny McBride fails to amuse in what became a really bad year for the actor. Everyone else is flailing too and no one can get a grip on the movie to right itself. The most cardinal sin, however, is that the jokes are just not funny. I think the most it got out of me was a chuckle once. That is it. I am not certain what went wrong outside of lack of focus and bad writing but this was the worst comedy of the year.

 

4. Season of the Witch:

I have a really hard time imagining how this movie was made. Somewhere along the line someone should have put a stop to it and if that required setting him or herself on fire to do it then I say society as a whole would have benefited from the noble sacrifice. The writing is absolutely abysmal and the plot is as obvious as it possibly could be without subtitles detailing the plot points scrolling across the screen. There is an attempt to turn it into a mystery complete with a twist at the end but if you get to the big reveal and say ‘I thought that is what the whole point of the movie was all along’ then something has gone horribly wrong.  When you saddle this with terrible performances, bad effects and even worse action and you are really screwed. The worst thing about the movie, though, is how massively it fails to get the audience to give even half of a shit about anything going on. It is an absolute waste of time and it is a sad statement on the world that money that could be used for anything else at all was spent to make a film that will only be watched by people who will desperately regret it afterward.

3. Sucker Punch

As aptly named as any movie ever, the title is exactly how I felt while watching this piece of self indulgent, sexist and lifeless shit. I have liked Zack Snyder’s previous efforts but this movie proves that while he can do well with other people’s material, if you let him go with his own ideas he will go completely off the reservation. It is kind of sick how he attempts to hide rampant sexism and exploitation in a message of anti-sexism but here it is. I have to hand it to him for having the balls to try it and he did it big as shit. That the performances are wooden and lifeless which renders the action completely irrelevant and unmoving is just punctuation on how much of a mess the story is with layer upon layer of bullshit as if he hit Inception over the head with a flag stone brick and now it just doesn’t talk right. There were a few good ideas here but I think his female subjugation boner really took over and guided this thing straight into the bowels of hell. If there was even one interesting, sympathetic or compelling character I might be inclined to forgive it somewhat but as it is I didn’t care what happened to any of these people because nothing bad enough ever could. Some of the effects were pretty but it was so numb and lifeless that even pretty shiny explody things couldn’t rescue it. The only genuine emotional response this movie generated is when the mother dragon realized that her baby was dead and went ape shit. I was SO on the dragon’s side on that one.

2. Red Riding Hood:

When I saw Red Riding Hood at a free screening at the beginning of the year I didn’t think there was any way possible that there would be a worse movie this year.  The new Twilight came along and proved me wrong but that doesn’t make Red Riding Hood suck any less. It feels incredibly cheap with sets that feel like a middle school play and acting that feels so stilted and unnatural I am pretty sure most of the actors were just reading their lines from a torn out page from a spiral note book held just out of the shot. The other extreme is Gary Oldman who chews so much scenery that I am surprised he still has teeth. I can only imagine that the studio has some awful evidence on the man to get him to be in this thing. Red Riding Hood had an interesting concept with as poor of execution as is physically possible. There is very little that could make this movie worse and that is an impressive feat of shittiness that deserves a greater reward than the Razzies have to offer.

1. Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn part 1

The absolute worst movie in one of the worst franchises to curse the screen, Breaking Dawn part 1 drops the ball so bad that I have a hard time believing that even hardcore Twilight fanatics could like it. Of course, these are Twilight fans we are talking about so I am probably wrong on that one. From a story perspective, very little happens here as the material is artificially stretched to accommodate two films so as to provide the studio with one last bit of cash to grab. What does happen is both boring and ridiculous at best and in poor taste and offensive at worst. The technical aspects of the film are terrible too as the score is awful and overpowering, the pacing is wildly out of control, the dialogue and delivery of that dialogue is stiff and lifeless and the special effects are just the right side of passable. Attempts at humor fall completely flat and it plays like a really bad, low budget soap opera. I can’t imagine anything anyone could find to love about this movie outside of thinking the actors are hot. Like Red Riding Hood, but just so much more so, there is nothing that I could think of that would make this movie worse aside from if it never, ever ended. This movie is absolutely terrible and borderline vomit inducing and is best avoided by anyone at all who isn’t a die hard series fan and even then caution is necessary. I have said it before and I will say it again, thank god there is only one more of these things.

 

So there it is. Again, if you want to comment feel free to do so below. I encourage showing your list as well. Thanks for reading.

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About J Patrick Ohlde, Reviews Editor

Patrick is the author of Scare-Izona: A Travel Guide to Arizona's Spookiest Spots, Tucson's Most Haunted, Finding Ghosts in Phoenix and another book releasing this year. He also does not care for the Oxford Comma. Patrick holds a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology from the University of Arizona which he uses professionally as a recovery coordinator on a crisis response team. In addition to writing books, Patrick is an avid gamer, artist, musician, actor, martial artist, screenwriter and film buff. He also enjoys writing long winded and self-congratulatory bios of himself. Seriously, look him up on Amazon. That one is even longer than this one.

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4 Responses to “Patrick’s 10 Least Favorite Movies of 2011”

  1. Riyad Kalla January 6, 2012 at 4:48 pm #

    how much of a mess the story is with layer upon layer of bullshit as if he hit Inception over the head with a flag stone brick and now it just doesn’t talk right.
    ———-

    That little tidbit made me LOL. Another great list and one i would wholeheartedly agree with especially the comedies.

    The list is more of a great “missed opportunities of 2011″ of films that fell so flat it left everyone deflated.

    I didnt find horrible bosses all that funny either, but that could just be me.

  2. JamesW January 8, 2012 at 10:57 am #

    I must agree only with breaking dawn, I liked other movies, some of them are made just to kill hour and a half of your time. the others are made to be very funny, but overall great and interesting list.

  3. George January 11, 2012 at 3:51 pm #

    You left off Hangover II. Not at all funny and stupid.

    • Riyad Kalla February 2, 2012 at 1:52 pm #

      Goddamn, totally agree. Just watched that the other night with wife… sat and watched… and watched… and then it ended. We turned to each other and tried to remember a single “funny part” — no hilarious… just FUNNY.

      We came up with nothing except the shocking tranny part, but that wasn’t funny, just shocking.

      What a pathetic bank-run movie for that team (actors, director).

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