My Face, My Beautiful Face

What do you suppose caused this awesome looking wound across my face? Ignoring for a second the powerful jawline and naturally pouting lips that you could put an infant to sleep on… let’s focus on the crippling scar that is now running across 80% of my face.

Your natural instinct (I can’t blame you) is to assume that I was making love onto many, many swimsuit models and one of their earrings snagged me. Or possibly the rugged good looks and wily eyes suggest that I crawled into a bear’s den high in the mountains just to see what the bear was made of… here’s a hint, they are made of meat and they are delicious.

You wouldn’t be far off with either assumption… the truth is that my cat was trying to use my face as a step-ladder this morning to get up onto our headboard. So at 3am, I’m asleep, and feel cat-feet probing my face trying to find a good footing to get up. Seeing no problem with this plan, but being annoyed that I am now awake and waiting to be used like a house-hold tool, I gave a passive swat of the hand to send said feline away on other tasks or at least to encourage rethinking the face-climbing portion of the existing one.

It seems that my perfectly executed swat pushed the cat’s razor-equipped front paws off of the headboard and raining down onto my face… the very face I had originally set out to protect.

A whole slew of profanities later and few blood-soaked towels and things are back to normal again… oh yea, except for the crippling scar that will require me to get a wheelchair just to get around from now on.

Thanks life!

If you have ever wondered if Karma existed, this is proof that it does. Apparently Karma doesn’t think much of you walking around Baby’s R Us and hiding other people’s babies from them while they aren’t looking. If you really loved your baby, you’d find them in the loading bay storage locker without the police’s help, thank-you-very-much.