I don't know these people and Mikal didn't take this.
I suppose a good opening to this would be to quote that bit from The Princess Bride, but I will save you that predicability. I recently clicked on a Facebook link demanding that I “must read” the following interminable passage regarding marriage. I will now inflict same unto my dear readers (although, I think I’m going to delete some of the spaces because it’s a real pain in the ass and takes up WAY too much space):
My notes will follow each passage, but they will not be italicized.
MARRIAGE
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
(Glug, glug…)
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
(Throwing away the chopsticks…is that like throwing down the gauntlet? Oh, and 30%? Seriously? This guy’s a douchebag.)
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
(She’s not wasting her time…she’s been plotting her own death for a while now, silly…OOPS, SPOILER ALERT.)
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
(Was he sleeping in the kitchen?)
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
(Hmmm, that is suspiciously lucid and well-thought-out for this story…)
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
(What’s a bridal room? Isn’t that where the bride gets ready? I think I’m gonna try and get carried around as much as possible, just to see if he’ll fall for it. I’m gonna make my hubby carry me to the bathroom from my bed in the middle of the night when I have to pee.)
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
(Wait, the son is clapping his hands and shouting,”Daddy is holding mommy in his arms?” How old is this kid? I thought he had exams in a month? What kind of exams? I’m thinking he’s studying for his LSATs or some shit, and he’s like FIVE…or retarded. Maybe he has a routine physical? Who the hell knows? Why isn’t he driving her to work? Oh, see, HELL NO. If you push 8 pounds of offspring through an opening the size of a spiggot, regardless of how much you love JANE, you need to give baby momma a ride to WORK.)
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
(Oh my GOSH, I have a wife, I forgot!!! I was so busy ramming it to Jane, that I didn’t realize my wife and I had lost intimacy.)
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
(Awww, YAY, YOU LOVE HER, AGAIN!!! How romantic.)
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
(I’m going to get a mani/pedi. This is taking too long. Somebody text me when it’s done.)
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.– At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband….
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage.
(Not my chair. Not my problem.)
Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
Wow, sweetie…do you want some SACRAMENTAL WINE to swallow that GREAT BIG MARTYR PILL? I know, I know, he’s a Dick, he’s been screwing Jane, but at what point did you decide NOT TO MENTION the part about you having CANCER? This kind of makes you manipulative and selfish. Instead of buckling down and seeking treatment for the sake of your son, you decided to silently whine, bitch, and complain. Could you be any less empowered? Do you require the approval of a MAN to receive medical treatment for a potentially (or, in your case, CERTAINLY) fatal illness? OH, I guess you can’t answer that now because you’re DEAD.
Did Rupert Holmes write this? At least his song has Pina Coladas in it. Christ. I was totally going to write about how much I hate the lyrics to the song, but then I found this instead. Yes, the small details absolutely count in a marriage and he should’ve given you flowers and not inserted his penis into another woman’s vagina, but he’s not the one who cut off his cancer-ridden nose to spite his face, is he? This does not move me. I feel nothing but annoyed after reading this. I may not drive a car, but I know how to take care of myself, my childrend, my own affairs, and my motto is “me first.” I am very lucky to be married to my hubby, but I had to wade through a LOT of shit to get here. I didn’t wait to die to escape a miserable situation.
In the words of SASSY GAY FRIEND, “She’s a STUPID BITCH.”
PS – As long as people keep sending me this shit, I reserve the right to pick it apart until it bleeds.
I hate apocryphal stories like this. It is glaringly obvious that whoever wrote this has never gone through anything remotely like this. And what kind of shit bird doesn’t notice his wife is dying of cancer? The process involves a bit more than ‘getting lighter.’ If he was really noticing all these intimate details about her I am sure the pain she was going through as she was withering away would have been obvious. I wish these would at least try to be realistic if they are attempting for some kind of emotional response.
“I wish these would at least try to be realistic if they are attempting for some kind of emotional response…”
Yeah, and written with proper punctuation. It sounds to me like their five-year-old child wrote this…
Maybe the one clapping while his dad carries his mom. What fucking kid does that?
I know! Shit like this irritates me SO MUCH. At least it didn’t have a “pass it on to 20 people or Jesus will stop loving you” requirement.
very well said:)
or will i have a 7 times badluck for ignoring it?lol! lmfao!
I think the above comments pretty much sum up this episode of “Touched by an Anus”. Is there ANYone taken in by this garbage?
LMAO!
The real question is this;
Was the wife hot?
“Oh my GOSH, I have a wife, I forgot!!! I was so busy ramming it to Jane…” and “Shit, well at least he has Jane’s number” were excellent.
I hope everyone learned how easy it is to fall in and out of love with someone, like this morning my wife forgot to make me lobster and eggs, so right now I’m writing up divorce papers.
Those were my favorite parts as well. OMG – excellent…absolutely excellent. And yeah – why didn’t she seek treatment for her cancer? Oy! And yes – Sassy Gay Friend – I love the Sassy Gay Friend.
I have to say, I’ve been through some rough shit in my marriage too – haven’t we all? But you pull through it and you’re adults about it. Cheating on your spouse isn’t being an adult, so don’t blame your wife because there isn’t any intimacy in your relationship when you’re not even trying. Period.
Whatever.
I would like to invite you to my blog as well, if you don’t mind. http://www.octo-dolls.com/blog
LOL @Riyad!
Well said!!!!
Wait, it took dying wife all night to write down her condition that he carry her across the threshold every day for 30 days? And she didn’t tell him she was dying? How dumb is she?
I think that was the point of the story – he was leaving her because she wrote so slowly.
At least that is what I got out of it.
I totally agree. The woman in the story is a sick, twisted bitch.
I checked the link on FB for this and it goes back to a motivational speaker who’s wife posted on Sunday (Sept 12th 2010) that she had just had a miscarriage????
What a tragic family.
My personal opinion on this, is even though it’s way out in left field.. it is wrote for people to understand and value their marriage. When I first read this, I bawled my eyes out! I am one of those persons who went home to my husband and told him I wanted a divorce. After having my fun, I realized I made the biggest mistake of my life. I wish someone would have been there to hold me down, give me a daily to do list, something.. anything that would have saved my marriage. The problem is when people are having an affair, it’s new to them, they get lost in the affection, the attention and lose sight of reality. It’s not until you are left alone and without that you realize how bad of a mistake you made. I really want to find a way for other people who are in these circumstances to be able to reach out to the person trying to leave, so they don’t end up where I did. Alone and miserable!
Marriage should never be a duty of pity, it should always be about a willing heart to serve, no matter what, the husband really should have gone to Jane, they deserved each other. What a waste of time and energy, wife died, marriage ended anyway. The wife died not only from cancer, but with a sad and shattered heart, the husband was a very selfish man, even to the end of his wife life. If the husband do not change his attitude in his heart, he will treat the son just as bad as he treated his wife, or for that matter any women he decides to have a relationship with. Think about it, he treated Jane with no respect, and for that matter, she had no respect for her self, getting involved with someone who was married, showed how selfish and vulnerable she was. Then for him to tell Jane, what his wife asked of him for 30 days, showed Jane how he had no regards for her, and how she allowed him to manipulate the entire situation. What a waste, another life unfulfilled. If this is a true story, the husband is not going to be able to take it, if someone treated him the way he treated his wife.
I just saw this story on my FB and thought it was such bullshit I Googled to make sure I wasn’t the only one who thought it was rubbish. My exact thoughts about the kid having an exam and then calling them Mommy and Daddy was similar to yours – C’mon! It clearly is a MADE UP story, but try to keep it realistic. I got an image of seals clapping and making the “UR UR” sound when the kid was clapping.
Faulty link
http://www.snopes.com/glurge/carry.asp
I personally don’t like Katie’s notes about this story – Seriously. Were you raised properly by your parents to speak nice words or just simply you are not an educated person? Be reasonable. This story, whether it’s made up or not, is intended to save a lot of marriage out there. I don’t care if it’s only made up; it has a good intent to those men who are planning to divorce their wives just to screw somebody else. To Catholics, Marriage is sacred – just so you know, the intent of this letter is clearly emphasizing the importance and value of your partner. If your partner dies later when you get home, would you still be able to tell her how much you love him/her?
Think about it people. Moral lesson on this story is focusing on Love, Appreciation and Faithfulness. Don’t wait for the time when it is too late to change everything. God can grant us chance when we deserve it, so let make the most of our daily lives and live for what is right.
As for Katie, you talk like an uneducated person. Grow up – you will never know when your husband is screwing another woman.
I am not following why you think “education” and “knowing when your husband is screwing another woman” is connected? It’s not like colleges offer courses in this…. (Infidelity 101).
And I think it’s great the internet is full of information and stories to help married couples; however, this story is lacking, and I think the flaws make it seem more like a joke than an encouraging story.
It is poorly written (grammar [example: "thru"], sentence structure [example: lack of quotation marks] and consistency [example: the son about ready to take his exams but all other evidence points to the son being a young child]).
The writer seems very unlikable. Granted no one is perfect, but he seems like a huge jerk (censored because you’ve expressed how you don’t like foul language) and I think it was presumptuous and arrogant he assumed his wife would take him back with open arms just because he brought her some flowers.
To be honest, by the end I was relieved to find out the wife was dead. It saved me the trouble of throwing up – you know, if she had decided to take him back without doing any real work on their marriage (talking things out, marriage counseling… etc.) They were just physical with each other! Isn’t that was got him into trouble in the first place???
I completely agree. I thought the same thing when I first read this story. Okay, I actually teared up and liked it first. Then, as I thought more about it, I became upset.
Most times as it circulates the internet I am happy to ignore it. Recently though a few of my best friends found it and think this is the greatest thing ever. I was starting to think that I was the only one who saw this story in a negative light after how they have been worshipping this story and that maybe there was something off with me. Thanks for letting me know that not all women fall for this stuff.
If you are married, I wish you all the best.
Meh, I wish you the best even if you aren’t.
I don’t care if the story and the characters are flawed. the story helped remind a woman like me of what the real meaning of saying ‘I Do’ means. ideally, married couples should not find themselves reaching that point where it is too late to set things right. hopefully, everyone of us learns to value and appreciate our life partners every single day.
i’ve read this story many years ago. it didn’t have the cancer bit in it. someone edited it and added the cancer part.
Personally, I thought all the comments (within the original post, and after) were just insensitive and obnoxious. Half these comments are by people who criticize the story saying “That is unrealistic,” or “That would never happen,” and the people saying these things have never been married. Though, that just goes to show the immaturity of some people trying to fill a void by feeling important when posting an obviously retarded blog or comment.
Cheers.
I’ve been married and I’ve been divorced and this story is ridiculous. And it does not help marriages — it oversimplifies real problems. Screwing around on your wife isn’t fixed by carrying her to the door every day.
Here’s my take on why I fear stories like this do damage: http://behindtheheadlinesblog.com/2010/11/marriage-and-other-phony-stories/
You know, people just can’t stop finding flaws. Considering its obvious mistakes, is there really a need to fight it over? LOL!
And I absolutely agree with you. Let’s just be directed to its lessons and see the bright phase the story gives to us.
Scrolling down, at least there’s one that’s cleared out from bitterness. You got a cheerful heart!
I’m with you.
You are a fucking idiot and deserve to die for ripping this story to shreds. You must be a 50 year old virgin or something. This is an outstanding story and the only thing that should be condemned is you. FUCK YOU ASSHOLE