MARRIAGE – A MUST READ *rolls eyes*

I don't know these people and Mikal didn't take this.

I suppose a good opening to this would be to quote that bit from The Princess Bride, but I will save you that predicability.  I recently clicked on a Facebook link demanding that I “must read” the following interminable passage regarding marriage.  I will now inflict same unto my dear readers  (although, I think I’m going to delete some of the spaces because it’s a real pain in the ass and takes up WAY too much space):

My notes will follow each passage, but they will not be italicized.


When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.   Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
(I have something to tell you, too…you should use quotation marks when quoting yourself or anyone else.  That’s why they call them “QUOTATION MARKS.”  You see how I was just quoting myself saying “QUOTATION MARKS?”  It was easier to read, wasn’t it?)
She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

(Glug, glug…)

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!   With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

(Throwing away the chopsticks…is that like throwing down the gauntlet?  Oh, and 30%?  Seriously?  This guy’s a douchebag.)

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.  The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

(She’s not wasting her time…she’s been plotting her own death for a while now, silly…OOPS, SPOILER ALERT.)

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

(Was he sleeping in the kitchen?)

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

(Hmmm, that is suspiciously lucid and well-thought-out for this story…)

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.  She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.  I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

(What’s a bridal room?  Isn’t that where the bride gets ready?  I think I’m gonna try and get carried around as much as possible, just to see if he’ll fall for it.  I’m gonna make my hubby carry me to the bathroom from my bed in the middle of the night when I have to pee.)

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

(Wait, the son is clapping his hands and shouting,”Daddy is holding mommy in his arms?”  How old is this kid?  I thought he had exams in a month?  What kind of exams?  I’m thinking he’s studying for his LSATs or some shit, and he’s like FIVE…or retarded.  Maybe he has a routine physical?  Who the hell knows?  Why isn’t he driving her to work?  Oh, see, HELL NO.  If you push 8 pounds of offspring through an opening the size of a spiggot, regardless of how much you love JANE, you need to give baby momma a ride to WORK.)

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.   On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.  On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

(Oh my GOSH, I have a wife, I forgot!!!  I was so busy ramming it to Jane, that I didn’t realize my wife and I had lost intimacy.)

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.  Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

(Awww, YAY, YOU LOVE HER, AGAIN!!!  How romantic.)

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

(I’m going to get a mani/pedi.  This is taking too long.  Somebody text me when it’s done.)

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.  I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.  At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.
(Wow.  That sucks.  At least you still have Jane’s number.)

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.– At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.

(Not my chair.  Not my problem.)

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Wow, sweetie…do you want some SACRAMENTAL WINE to swallow that GREAT BIG MARTYR PILL?  I know, I know, he’s a Dick, he’s been screwing Jane, but at what point did you decide NOT TO MENTION the part about you having CANCER?  This kind of makes you manipulative and selfish.  Instead of buckling down and seeking treatment for the sake of your son, you decided to silently whine, bitch, and complain.  Could you be any less empowered?  Do you require the approval of a MAN to receive medical treatment for a potentially (or, in your case, CERTAINLY)  fatal illness?  OH, I guess you can’t answer that now because you’re DEAD.

Did Rupert Holmes write this?  At least his song has Pina Coladas in it.  Christ.  I was totally going to write about how much I hate the lyrics to the song, but then I found this instead.  Yes, the small details absolutely count in a marriage and he should’ve given you flowers and not inserted his penis into another woman’s vagina, but he’s not the one who cut off his cancer-ridden nose to spite his face, is he?  This does not move me.  I feel nothing but annoyed after reading this.  I may not drive a car, but I know how to take care of myself, my childrend, my own affairs, and my motto is “me first.”  I am very lucky to be married to my hubby, but I had to wade through a LOT of shit to get here.  I didn’t wait to die to escape a miserable situation.

In the words of SASSY GAY FRIEND, “She’s a STUPID BITCH.”

PS – As long as people keep sending me this shit, I reserve the right to pick it apart until it bleeds.

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About Katie Mullaly

Katie Mullaly is the author (along with Patrick) of the very popular Scare-Izona: A Travel Guide to Arizona's Spookiest Spots and Tucson's Most Haunted. Their third book - Finding Ghosts in Phoenix - will hit the shelves this fall, and two more books are currently in production. As well as writing for the hugely popular "The Buzz Media" website, she can frequently be seen as a featured extra in most of Peter Leon's films. She is her own Easter egg. Basically, she's awesome. She would also like to meet Adam Lambert because he's cool on a cellular level. So, if anyone can hook that up for her, that'd be great.

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41 Responses to “MARRIAGE – A MUST READ *rolls eyes*”

  1. J Patrick Ohlde July 29, 2010 at 6:01 pm #

    I hate apocryphal stories like this. It is glaringly obvious that whoever wrote this has never gone through anything remotely like this. And what kind of shit bird doesn’t notice his wife is dying of cancer? The process involves a bit more than ‘getting lighter.’ If he was really noticing all these intimate details about her I am sure the pain she was going through as she was withering away would have been obvious. I wish these would at least try to be realistic if they are attempting for some kind of emotional response.

    • Mikal July 29, 2010 at 6:28 pm #

      “I wish these would at least try to be realistic if they are attempting for some kind of emotional response…”

      Yeah, and written with proper punctuation. It sounds to me like their five-year-old child wrote this…

      • J Patrick Ohlde July 29, 2010 at 6:31 pm #

        Maybe the one clapping while his dad carries his mom. What fucking kid does that?

        • Caleb June 21, 2012 at 11:49 pm #

          a retarded kid! lol!!!!

  2. Katie Mullaly July 29, 2010 at 6:05 pm #

    I know! Shit like this irritates me SO MUCH. At least it didn’t have a “pass it on to 20 people or Jesus will stop loving you” requirement.

    • cool mom November 26, 2010 at 5:11 pm #

      very well said:)

    • bogz November 26, 2010 at 5:29 pm #

      or will i have a 7 times badluck for ignoring it?lol! lmfao!

  3. Linda July 29, 2010 at 8:03 pm #

    I think the above comments pretty much sum up this episode of “Touched by an Anus”. Is there ANYone taken in by this garbage?

  4. Katie Mullaly July 29, 2010 at 8:28 pm #


  5. GJ August 1, 2010 at 5:58 am #

    The real question is this;

    Was the wife hot?

  6. Riyad Kalla August 2, 2010 at 1:37 pm #

    “Oh my GOSH, I have a wife, I forgot!!! I was so busy ramming it to Jane…” and “Shit, well at least he has Jane’s number” were excellent.

    I hope everyone learned how easy it is to fall in and out of love with someone, like this morning my wife forgot to make me lobster and eggs, so right now I’m writing up divorce papers.

    • September 30, 2010 at 5:33 pm #

      Those were my favorite parts as well. OMG – excellent…absolutely excellent. And yeah – why didn’t she seek treatment for her cancer? Oy! And yes – Sassy Gay Friend – I love the Sassy Gay Friend.

      I have to say, I’ve been through some rough shit in my marriage too – haven’t we all? But you pull through it and you’re adults about it. Cheating on your spouse isn’t being an adult, so don’t blame your wife because there isn’t any intimacy in your relationship when you’re not even trying. Period.


      I would like to invite you to my blog as well, if you don’t mind.

  7. Mikal August 2, 2010 at 5:05 pm #

    LOL @Riyad! :-)

  8. Laura August 4, 2010 at 10:45 am #

    Well said!!!!

  9. Anna August 11, 2010 at 8:20 am #

    Wait, it took dying wife all night to write down her condition that he carry her across the threshold every day for 30 days? And she didn’t tell him she was dying? How dumb is she?

    • Riyad Kalla August 11, 2010 at 9:06 am #

      I think that was the point of the story – he was leaving her because she wrote so slowly.

      At least that is what I got out of it.

  10. Agagooga August 25, 2010 at 8:26 am #

    I totally agree. The woman in the story is a sick, twisted bitch.

  11. Bren September 15, 2010 at 7:55 pm #

    I checked the link on FB for this and it goes back to a motivational speaker who’s wife posted on Sunday (Sept 12th 2010) that she had just had a miscarriage????

    What a tragic family.

  12. Sunny September 26, 2010 at 10:05 pm #

    My personal opinion on this, is even though it’s way out in left field.. it is wrote for people to understand and value their marriage. When I first read this, I bawled my eyes out! I am one of those persons who went home to my husband and told him I wanted a divorce. After having my fun, I realized I made the biggest mistake of my life. I wish someone would have been there to hold me down, give me a daily to do list, something.. anything that would have saved my marriage. The problem is when people are having an affair, it’s new to them, they get lost in the affection, the attention and lose sight of reality. It’s not until you are left alone and without that you realize how bad of a mistake you made. I really want to find a way for other people who are in these circumstances to be able to reach out to the person trying to leave, so they don’t end up where I did. Alone and miserable!

  13. Diana October 4, 2010 at 12:55 pm #

    Marriage should never be a duty of pity, it should always be about a willing heart to serve, no matter what, the husband really should have gone to Jane, they deserved each other. What a waste of time and energy, wife died, marriage ended anyway. The wife died not only from cancer, but with a sad and shattered heart, the husband was a very selfish man, even to the end of his wife life. If the husband do not change his attitude in his heart, he will treat the son just as bad as he treated his wife, or for that matter any women he decides to have a relationship with. Think about it, he treated Jane with no respect, and for that matter, she had no respect for her self, getting involved with someone who was married, showed how selfish and vulnerable she was. Then for him to tell Jane, what his wife asked of him for 30 days, showed Jane how he had no regards for her, and how she allowed him to manipulate the entire situation. What a waste, another life unfulfilled. If this is a true story, the husband is not going to be able to take it, if someone treated him the way he treated his wife.

  14. Dominick November 4, 2010 at 9:39 pm #

    I just saw this story on my FB and thought it was such bullshit I Googled to make sure I wasn’t the only one who thought it was rubbish. My exact thoughts about the kid having an exam and then calling them Mommy and Daddy was similar to yours – C’mon! It clearly is a MADE UP story, but try to keep it realistic. I got an image of seals clapping and making the “UR UR” sound when the kid was clapping.

  15. William Belle December 23, 2010 at 1:23 pm #

    Faulty link

  16. Manuel June 13, 2011 at 3:02 am #

    I personally don’t like Katie’s notes about this story – Seriously. Were you raised properly by your parents to speak nice words or just simply you are not an educated person? Be reasonable. This story, whether it’s made up or not, is intended to save a lot of marriage out there. I don’t care if it’s only made up; it has a good intent to those men who are planning to divorce their wives just to screw somebody else. To Catholics, Marriage is sacred – just so you know, the intent of this letter is clearly emphasizing the importance and value of your partner. If your partner dies later when you get home, would you still be able to tell her how much you love him/her?

    Think about it people. Moral lesson on this story is focusing on Love, Appreciation and Faithfulness. Don’t wait for the time when it is too late to change everything. God can grant us chance when we deserve it, so let make the most of our daily lives and live for what is right.

    As for Katie, you talk like an uneducated person. Grow up – you will never know when your husband is screwing another woman.

    • Olivia September 22, 2011 at 11:44 pm #

      I am not following why you think “education” and “knowing when your husband is screwing another woman” is connected? It’s not like colleges offer courses in this…. (Infidelity 101).

      And I think it’s great the internet is full of information and stories to help married couples; however, this story is lacking, and I think the flaws make it seem more like a joke than an encouraging story.

      It is poorly written (grammar [example: "thru"], sentence structure [example: lack of quotation marks] and consistency [example: the son about ready to take his exams but all other evidence points to the son being a young child]).

      The writer seems very unlikable. Granted no one is perfect, but he seems like a huge jerk (censored because you’ve expressed how you don’t like foul language) and I think it was presumptuous and arrogant he assumed his wife would take him back with open arms just because he brought her some flowers.

      To be honest, by the end I was relieved to find out the wife was dead. It saved me the trouble of throwing up – you know, if she had decided to take him back without doing any real work on their marriage (talking things out, marriage counseling… etc.) They were just physical with each other! Isn’t that was got him into trouble in the first place???

  17. Princess Abraham September 26, 2011 at 9:16 am #

    I completely agree. I thought the same thing when I first read this story. Okay, I actually teared up and liked it first. Then, as I thought more about it, I became upset.

    Most times as it circulates the internet I am happy to ignore it. Recently though a few of my best friends found it and think this is the greatest thing ever. I was starting to think that I was the only one who saw this story in a negative light after how they have been worshipping this story and that maybe there was something off with me. Thanks for letting me know that not all women fall for this stuff.

    If you are married, I wish you all the best.

    Meh, I wish you the best even if you aren’t.

  18. Siouxsie October 17, 2011 at 9:55 pm #

    I don’t care if the story and the characters are flawed. the story helped remind a woman like me of what the real meaning of saying ‘I Do’ means. ideally, married couples should not find themselves reaching that point where it is too late to set things right. hopefully, everyone of us learns to value and appreciate our life partners every single day.

  19. lala October 18, 2011 at 8:56 am #

    i’ve read this story many years ago. it didn’t have the cancer bit in it. someone edited it and added the cancer part.

  20. Aenon October 21, 2011 at 8:27 am #

    Personally, I thought all the comments (within the original post, and after) were just insensitive and obnoxious. Half these comments are by people who criticize the story saying “That is unrealistic,” or “That would never happen,” and the people saying these things have never been married. Though, that just goes to show the immaturity of some people trying to fill a void by feeling important when posting an obviously retarded blog or comment.


    • Noah R. Bombard November 4, 2011 at 6:49 pm #

      I’ve been married and I’ve been divorced and this story is ridiculous. And it does not help marriages — it oversimplifies real problems. Screwing around on your wife isn’t fixed by carrying her to the door every day.

      Here’s my take on why I fear stories like this do damage:

  21. Yen February 9, 2012 at 1:13 am #

    You know, people just can’t stop finding flaws. Considering its obvious mistakes, is there really a need to fight it over? LOL!

    And I absolutely agree with you. Let’s just be directed to its lessons and see the bright phase the story gives to us.

    Scrolling down, at least there’s one that’s cleared out from bitterness. You got a cheerful heart! :) I’m with you.

  22. Jonas Brother Singh February 21, 2012 at 1:15 pm #

    You are a fucking idiot and deserve to die for ripping this story to shreds. You must be a 50 year old virgin or something. This is an outstanding story and the only thing that should be condemned is you. FUCK YOU ASSHOLE

    • Leroy August 8, 2012 at 11:09 am #

      You must be a Christian.

  23. Lilly August 11, 2012 at 6:15 pm #

    It’s a STORY people. Is “based on a true story” or “true story” listed anywhere on this? NO. Nor did the original poster ever claimed that this was a true story. This story wasn’t written so people can debate how realistic this story is. It was written with a message attached to it. “Take the time to appreciate what you have, before time makes you appreciate what you had.” Why is when an author writes a story about vampires, werewolves, witches or wizards; everyone is focus on the romantic or heroic theme in those plots. But let the average Joe write a story about a self-involved man wanting a divorce from his plain Jane wife; people wants to talk about how the events in the story is so “unrealistic.” *roll-eyes*

    • Matt August 17, 2012 at 12:53 pm #

      So, I take the people who read this and commented a negative way have no clue what they read. The stories is not about carrying your wife and things will get better and so on. The wife wanted to remind the husband how it use to be before they lost it for each other. When the husband finally realized what he had he knew it was the best thing for him. So basically alot of people have the best thing in front of them but fail to realize and look else where and end up being in a bad place. So many people think divorce is the right answer. If family take the time to pray together and communicate they will realize the reason why they married each other in the first place.

  24. Janices March 8, 2013 at 8:18 am #

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  25. margarete April 25, 2013 at 9:04 pm #

    After being in relationship with him for nine years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email is ( SPELLCASTTEMPLE4@GMAIL.COM } tel.+2348156885231) you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything.Margareta

  26. Noah R. Bombard April 26, 2013 at 6:49 am #

    I think everyone here is losing sight of the real value of this story. So, I decided to put it to the test. I picked my wife up out of bed one morning, carried her gently down the stairs and then tossed her out the door. Believe me, life got so much better after that.

  27. Katalina C June 9, 2015 at 12:44 pm #

    Five Reasons Why I Can Say Love Spells And other Kinds Of Spell Works

    Reading about spell is not new to anyone who uses the internet frequently.More accurately, most of us depend greatly on the internet for information’s and ways to fix things.It can be relationship related, or finance related or any kind of problem you can think of.So in all words we try everything we read to fix it which might just include spell casting.I know this sounds crazy but believe me spell casting is just as real as any other thing you can think of. It just turned out that the internet is flooded with a lot of fake making it is very difficult to separate the “shaft from the wheat” fake from real so here are five reason that i think will convince positively about spell casting

    Empirical Evidence
    Even before any of us reading this article was brought into exist those before us and before them and before those before them relied on spell for healing, protection, blessing and all other thing and guess what? they never complained about the failure maybe because there where no fakes then or those who asked the spell casters help completed the process rather that not seeing it through to the end.

    Paranormal That Science Can’t Explain
    A lot supernatural thing happens around us.We are either too blind to see it or we just let science explain it for us.We think anything that science can’t explain is left to be thought as nothing.

    There are a lot of those all over the internet.Yes, we can say not all are true but yet again, we can’t say that they are all not true because we can never be sure unless we go through the complete process that is required form us.

    My Testimony
    A lot of you reading this might say am sick or crazy or what ever you may please just describe how discontent you are with this article but am glad even one has his or her right to their personal opinion which this is.It can only be understood by those who see reasons with me.I was in a messed up situation and the only help i could get was from a spell caster and if i have to, will seek their help all over again because even if we refuse to believe,this world is bigger that what our eyes can see and what our senses can feel.

    Even if this sounds religious, it will interest you to know that it is not religious because contrarily to what we all know, Magic or sorcery or spell making has nothing to do with religion its more like the understanding of deep nature that goes beyond what we see and what we feel.If it is right to believe that the earth rotates because some man made telescope tell us so,why is it wrong to believe magic sorcery or spells let us gain access to deep mother nature when nature expose itself everyday.

    This is not meant for everyone to read but if you do,and you want a spell caster find one carefully and if i would,i advice you contact Metodo Acamu with this OK metodoacamufortressx at (yahoo) dot com *** use this in the usual email format just like your own email format***..


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    [...] love to do a point-by-point destruction of this story, but I’m not sure I could outdo Katie Mullaly at The Buzz Media, who rabidly shreds this tale into the fine bits that comprise it. You can usually sniff out these [...]

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