I have been noticing a lot of signs around town indicating “Pedestrian Improvement Project.” At first, I got all excited thinking that they would actually begin taking steps to improve the quality of local pedestrians who seem to favor darting in and out of traffic, but then I realized it just meant a big, flashy new crosswalk.
I was crestfallen.
You see, pedestrians (and, let’s face it, cyclists) are the absolute scourge of roadway safety. Don’t get me wrong, I get that people either can’t afford a car, hate the bus (that is a totally different post), or want to go “green,” but please have the decency to stay the fuck out of the street.
Cars weigh upwards of a ton. People don’t (although some come PRETTY DARN CLOSE). It doesn’t take an advanced degree in mathematics to figure out that cars squish people. As much as I loathe people in general, I really don’t want to see them get squished, or – worse – personally cause a squishing.
This evening, were it not for my fella’s cat-like reflexes and the faint white stripes on the darkly clothed, drunken asshole crossing the darkest part of a major thoroughfare near my home, he would have been a bugsplat and we would have seen our rates go up… because, of COURSE it would have been our fault.
Roads are for cars. If you have to cross one, do it sober, quickly, and at a designated crosswalk. If you are riding a bike, please do so courteously. This whole “share the road” bullshit applies to you guys, too. This means quit riding 4 or 5 astride, and quit riding between cars. If you do not comply, at least quit whining when one of you gets run over.
And please don’t wear those ugly spandex shorts that gather your “situation” into a lumpy, sweaty bouquet pressed against the front of you like an enormous drawer pull. It’s nauseating.
