Insanely Huge Crabs Scare Me

Coconut Crab

Brian Fernandes just sent this in, and it sent shivers up my spine… apparently “Coconut Crabs” or “Robber Crabs” are of the crab breed “Fuckus Hugeous”.

The coconut crab is able to crack coconuts with it’s claws and eat the inside.

Knowing that these things are insanely huge AND have pincers that could crack your skull open, why wouldn’t you hold one up to your face, near your tender supple body:

I know I would. I’d probably get drunk, fool around with my friends, and stuff it up my pant leg and be like “Look guys… I have CRABS! HAHAHA” and everyone would think it was hilarious… including the ER staff that sedates me while the surgeon tries to re-attach my genitles.

Oh, what’s that? You aren’t that impressed? How about if they can be sky-blue and scare the bejesus out of you as you walked through a forest?

I would totally pass out if I was walking through the forest and ran into one of these at eye-level near my head doing crab-things… I’d run screaming out of the jungle like a little girl.

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About Riyad Kalla

Software development, video games, writing, reading and anything shiny. I ultimately just want to provide a resource that helps people and if I can't do that, then at least make them laugh.

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106 Responses to “Insanely Huge Crabs Scare Me”

  1. Laurence Hartje October 23, 2007 at 1:10 pm #

    It’s a real life head crab from Half Life! :)

  2. Riyad Kalla October 23, 2007 at 1:14 pm #

    So true… probably one of the reasons I have such a phobia about them.

    • rely May 21, 2011 at 1:39 am #

      liar its so fake all of it its obvious cant any of you see that?

  3. tdod October 24, 2007 at 11:08 am #

    ok, this freaks me out a bit…

  4. The Bird Man October 24, 2007 at 2:05 pm #

    I think Steve-O sticks one of these on his ass in an episode of Wild Boys.

  5. ken March 16, 2008 at 12:22 pm #

    wow… those things are huge!1 i saw 1 in front os my house. I almost fainted.. thats how i found this blog.

  6. Riyad Kalla March 16, 2008 at 1:00 pm #

    Ken where do you live? Is there any chance of you grabbing a picture of it?

    How big was it, size of a soccer ball, dinner plate… bigger?

  7. tdod March 17, 2008 at 6:18 am #

    The nightmares have started all over again…

  8. Stainless March 19, 2008 at 9:21 pm #

    who gives a fuck about a crab anyway. I would have killed that bastard on the trash can and put him on my wall, or my fatass would eat him.

  9. hermbert April 2, 2008 at 7:49 pm #

    that is just gross!!!! >X-1

  10. Anonymous April 21, 2008 at 2:32 pm #

    buahahahaha i want one it will be my evil apperentice

  11. anal_master April 28, 2008 at 2:10 am #

    So like… How do I have sex with these things ?

    • lumi November 17, 2010 at 2:06 pm #

      Haha, More of a Sex-change

  12. Crabs make me scream like a 10 year old girl May 18, 2008 at 10:11 am #

    FUCKING CRABS. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY EARTH.

    • anonymous February 1, 2010 at 2:32 pm #

      I KNOW THEY SHOULD GO FUCK THEMSELVES

      • basil September 20, 2010 at 5:09 am #

        then they would reproduce…which would sooo not get them the fuck out of your earth…

    • balls December 7, 2010 at 8:33 pm #

      hey u ass, crabs have felings too

      • balls December 7, 2010 at 8:36 pm #

        but then again they can have feelings in hell

  13. Cheyenne September 2, 2008 at 5:39 pm #

    Someone help me!!!! My medication is soooo not working!!!

  14. why?????????? February 7, 2009 at 7:18 pm #

    imagine if that coconut was your head… theres already enough scsary things on this earth… now this?

  15. Riyad Kalla February 9, 2009 at 11:15 am #

    Exactly… that’s why I would consider wearing full plate armor in the rain forest if I was going Coconut Crab hunting…

  16. AHHHH! September 13, 2009 at 4:40 am #

    i agree with crabs make me scream like a 10 year old girl
    GET OUT OF EARTH!

    • Anonymous April 22, 2010 at 5:18 pm #

      omg!why do you have to say 10 year old!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Korissa September 2, 2010 at 3:17 pm #

      Me too!! But onley the big ones. I like little crabs!! The big crabs don’t seem real!

  17. Monado, FCD September 13, 2009 at 10:48 pm #

    That would certainly stop me from strolling around in the dark barefooted.

  18. AUstin October 9, 2009 at 11:48 am #

    Holy shit. If I even saw one of those on the beach, I would flip the fuck out and start shooting at everything that moved.

    • Riyad Kalla October 15, 2009 at 7:40 am #

      lol, Austin I have a mental picture of you seeing a giant crab half way down the beach, and just loosing your mind and shooting up the lunch tables and trees and stuff around you :D

    • Kitty September 5, 2010 at 1:17 pm #

      i totaly agree

  19. Christopher October 18, 2009 at 9:16 am #

    Dude, just tell me where you live. I’ll bring the giant boiling pot (I really have one) and the crab cake mix. We eatin good in yo neighborhood.

  20. Gabby Kellz October 21, 2009 at 4:02 am #

    That’s whack as! I LOVE CRABS!

    I had a pet hermit crab for a day once, before they were in shops and became a craze, and his name was Albert and after freaking him out for a day I released him to the wild…

    These crabs sound like awesome fun. Who wants to have a crab race?
    Yeah I’ve been playing around with crabs forever, it was something to do to catch crabs.
    I love them as well as squid and whales…but I don’t eat whales…and all these animals are way cooler alive.

    Harpoon the Japs!
    cyaz
    gandalf

  21. vicki October 26, 2009 at 8:07 pm #

    I pray that with the new info on finding Amelia Earhardt, landing on an island with these monsters, that she didn’t suffer long.

  22. lori October 28, 2009 at 7:16 pm #

    OMG…that is the creepiest thing ive ever seen! That one guy is SO lucky he has a nipple left..if i were the crab that tasty treat would be WAY too inviting!! LOL *ech

    • shigglejiggle February 1, 2010 at 2:36 pm #

      YOU ARE SUCH A PERVERTED PERSON THOSE CRABS NEED TO FUCK THEMSELVES AWAY FROM ME CAUSE ID TAKE A MACHETE AND EAT ME SOME CRAB

      • Riyad Kalla February 5, 2010 at 1:53 pm #

        anonymous/shigglejiggle (same person) I’d hate to see you at a sea food restaurant… I’m picturing you standing in the lobby screaming at the lobster tank “GO FUCK YOURSELVES!”

  23. nobster November 24, 2009 at 3:31 pm #

    X-mas island!!! these guys really do exist-60years old and bodies to a metre they are awesome i have seen them

  24. crimiyanee January 20, 2010 at 8:53 pm #

    made me hungry!

  25. Monado January 24, 2010 at 9:28 pm #

    You’re probably safe as long as you don’t smell like a coconut. :-)

  26. DexterousDaredevil February 22, 2010 at 3:27 am #

    Lol the blue crab looks like it’s pole-dancing.

  27. kHa March 14, 2010 at 3:49 am #

    holllyyyy shit! they are HUGE! someone tell me how fast are they running?

  28. Anonymous March 27, 2010 at 4:06 am #

    THIS IS Y PEOPLE SHOULD HAVE GUNS!

    • Riyad Kalla March 27, 2010 at 5:57 am #

      Hahah, guns won’t help you if they come for you!

      • Anonymous March 29, 2010 at 4:42 pm #

        get a life kalla u don’t need to comment on everyone’s comments

        • Anonymous March 29, 2010 at 7:10 pm #

          is your reply puts you in the same place???

          • Anonymous September 20, 2010 at 5:11 am #

            why the fuck are you people stealing my name!?!

      • immuffy July 21, 2011 at 12:00 pm #

        I would blow their fucking heads off if they tried to crack my head open! That’s why I agree with Anonymous.

  29. leanne June 20, 2010 at 9:59 pm #

    i live on guam, an island in the pacific, and these crabs are delicious. as a matter of fact last month my boyfriend and his cousins went hunting for them and brought back 15 of them.

    • Riyad Kalla June 21, 2010 at 5:32 am #

      leanne, from what I’ve read they are becoming endangered… why did you need 15 of them?

      Are they that good for eating?

      • leanne June 21, 2010 at 6:13 am #

        well not here on the island, you just have to make sure the butt area is at least 3 in. wide. as for the amount they bought back,it’s because there was so many of them where they went.

        • leanne June 21, 2010 at 6:14 am #

          oh and yes they are very good eating.

  30. anon June 22, 2010 at 6:52 am #

    these can be found on Guam my dad recently caught one and gave it coconuts

    • Riyad Kalla June 22, 2010 at 7:16 am #

      anon, do you have any pictures of it you could share? You can email them to contact@thebuzzmedia.com and I would add them with-credits to the story.

    • gema August 21, 2010 at 4:30 pm #

      @anon.. and don’t they taste yummy!!! can’t wait to go back home (Guam) for a visit and have my brother cook me up some coconut crab in coconut milk with pumpkin tips! *nom nom*

      @Riyad.. my sister and her kids caught one crossing the road up north on Guam.. my niece, fearless as she is, held it like it was nothing.. granted it wasn’t AS ginormous as the one in the first picture, but my brother has definitely caught some huuuuuge ones ;)

      ahhhh… makes me miss home!!! ^_^

      • Riyad Kalla August 21, 2010 at 5:47 pm #

        gema,

        If you send us pictures I’ll add them to this post!

        More coconut crabs == a good thing.

  31. Soendoro Soetanto June 23, 2010 at 4:36 am #

    What a crab!!! :D

    Soendoro Soetanto

  32. Bob Dambeck July 1, 2010 at 7:15 pm #

    MMMM Where’s the butter

  33. Alek July 6, 2010 at 5:29 pm #

    ATTACK ITS WEAK-POINT FOR MASSIVE DAMAGE!

  34. Richie Strickland July 30, 2010 at 1:49 pm #

    These crabs are indigenous to the island of GUAM. I lived there for two years. There are plenty of Chamarro Seniors living there who are missing fingers. You can catch and eat the males if they are 3″ or more across the back. Females are illegal. They crawl like a spider instead of sideways like a crab. They climb trees and fences. When it rains they leave their holes and when you run over one in your car, you think you ran over an armodillo.

    • Riyad Kalla August 2, 2010 at 12:27 pm #

      Richie,
      How fast do they move? You ever accidentally find one in your house?

      Now THAT would be something…

  35. Terry August 17, 2010 at 7:29 pm #

    I’m with Christopher18,,, It’s DINER TIME!
    A lil white wine and some tartar sauce,,,, YUM YUM!

  36. HerroPero August 28, 2010 at 1:20 pm #

    Lol. ‘Fuckus hugeous’. That’s a fuckus hugeous spider!!:O

  37. jasom August 30, 2010 at 8:41 pm #

    Wow, that is just amazing, these things are my new obsession, thanks 4 the cool pics.And the comments are good.is there any discovery special’s? or national geo. shows?contact me if u can.

    • Riyad Kalla August 31, 2010 at 11:48 am #

      jasom,

      I agree, they are amazing creatures. I did some quick searching and didn’t come up with much with regards to a show on Discovery or special on Animal Planet that covered them.

      If you end up finding something please come back and let us know!

  38. Aint Nothing September 3, 2010 at 4:38 pm #

    That ain’t nothing. I had a case of pubic crabs bigger than this, my nuts are still hanging around my ankles :\

  39. give me crabs September 5, 2010 at 12:05 pm #

    I WANT SOME CRABS

  40. Kitty September 5, 2010 at 1:09 pm #

    totaly freaked out

  41. Brian September 6, 2010 at 8:29 pm #

    I have seen these on Bora Bora and Moorea in the Tahitian island chain.

    The locals wrap tin around their coconut palm to keep the crabs from climbing up there.

    They live in holes in the ground, and if you throw certain leaves that they like outside the holes, they will come out and grab them to eat.

    The locals catch them and keep them in cages similar to a rabbit hutch, and I was told them quarrantine them and feed them only coconut for 2-3 weeks to cleanse their systems because they will eat all kinds of disgusting stuff from human&animal feces to poisonous plants.

    They detox the crabs for a few weeks and then eat them like a lobster. They are supposed to taste very good- like lobster with a coconutty flavor.

    The ones I saw weren’t as big as the one on the trashcan, but I dont doubt they can get that big. They are pretty much gigantic hermit crabs.

    There was a show on Animal Planet where one of the animal adventure type hosts did a segment on them- I think it was Jeff Corwin. Whoever it was, they had a really big one for the show :)

    • Brian September 6, 2010 at 8:38 pm #

      Oh, and they moved pretty darn quick.

      You could outrun one, but it could also give you a good scare.

      Here in Florida, along the Atlantic where I live, we have blue land crabs that get to be a pretty good size:

      http://www.nieworld.com/special/endangered/story07.htm

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cardisoma_guanhumi

      They also live in holes and can get to be about the size of a football.

      At certain times of the year they all come out en mass and make a run for the ocean to lay eggs. Literally floods of them will be covering the roads and plenty get squashed.

      They will be all over my front yard, climbing up my screens and getting caught behind boxes in my garage- which is a pain because you can hear them scratching around back there, but you cant find them and then they die and smell like death.

      I do like them though, and the kids seem to get a kick out of them:

      ttp://oof.smugmug.com/Other/Kids-and-Land-Crabs/P9040206/666824530_T9Rqn-M-1.jpg

      • Brian September 6, 2010 at 8:39 pm #

        whoops- heres a fix to that image

        http://oof.smugmug.com/Other/Kids-and-Land-Crabs/P9040206/666824530_T9Rqn-M-1.jpg

        thats a blue land crab, in my front yard, with neighborhood kids playing with them (claws are rubberbanded)

        they can move pretty darn fast.

        • Riyad Kalla September 6, 2010 at 11:16 pm #

          Brian, thanks for the additional info — didn’t know about the detoxing, I guess these things are like carp and eat up everything disgusting in their path :)

          Where do you like that you have blue land crabs in your front yard? The only thing I can think of is Hawaii…

      • Riyad Kalla September 7, 2010 at 5:23 am #

        Brian, are the blue land crabs good eating, or are they like cockroaches and just eat everything as well?

        I’m thinking more about that “detox” thing that the natives do to the coconut crabs… I bet there are a lot of animals you could feed high fat/cleansing foods to right before you eat them to try and purify or alter their taste… seems so cruel though “Alright YOU, eat this chocolate and get delicious!”

        Then again, I guess that’s what we do every day to our cattle, chicken, etc.

  42. Brian September 7, 2010 at 11:21 am #

    I live in Florida between the Space Coast (Brevard county) and Treasure Coast (Indian River County)

    People do eat the land crabs, but they dont seem too appetizing to me.

    People used to come up from South Florida to collect them off the A1A in the state park land, but they ended up forbidding that- which they probably should have because it was ripe for abuse.

    So now you dont see people chasing them around with boxes expect once in awhile, and they usually get chased off.

    When a hurricane or big storm is bearing down on the area, the crabs seem to be able to detect changes in barometric pressure and will come out en masse and start climbing for higher ground.. up the oak trees, up screens, etc

    • Riyad Kalla September 7, 2010 at 11:53 am #

      Brian that is crazy town! I can’t imagine what it looks like, right before a big storm (which isn’t that uncommon down there right?) you see these things running all over hell climbing everything.

      I just thought crickets were bad :)

  43. zillaman September 10, 2010 at 3:30 am #

    great now i can add this crab to my cerebral cortex primary motor optical lobe for late night terrorvision nightmares.wtf? spiders move over, it;s the crab attac,,from my exwife’s bushgarden . whats the law for protecting this mutation ? and what’s the weight on this alienoid crab.thanx mr. riyad kalla. i bet there is much much more worse than this in some part of the world or eaven in your own house just waiting for you to find it.

    • Riyad Kalla September 10, 2010 at 7:25 am #

      zillaman,

      I sure hope not! If there are worse things in my house to find, I’m going to move into a tent in my yard :)

      • zillaman September 10, 2010 at 6:59 pm #

        to run in to somthing like this is like die for a moment come back to see its still there and die all over again. i showed the picture to my kids the first thing my son said is this for another godzilla movie? i said no it’s real and from another planet. lol..

        • Riyad Kalla September 10, 2010 at 11:40 pm #

          hahah, your son has the right idea, there should be a giant monster crab movie.

          Although a few people on this thread would just watch it and wonder what the giant crab would taste like with melted butter the whole time :)

  44. Brian September 14, 2010 at 2:06 pm #

    You would be suprised. The crabs might freak you out at first, but they grow on you.

    My whole family loves the crabs now.. as do alot of people in the area. They are just part of the surreal landscape.

    My wife will actually drive slow to avoid smashing them as they stand in the middle of the road.

    Sure, she wouldnt like to be stuck in a room with one scurrying around, but she doesnt dislike them. The kids actually love them- aside from having to be careful of the pinchers, they love to chase them around and have me collect them in a box to look at.

    The huge coconut crabs didn’t freak me out too much, but the ones I saw were coming out of holes, and stuck in hutches.

    I’d probably be stoked to see a huge one going up a tree if I was walking around the jungle in Tahiti- especially a bright blue one.

    Crabs aren’t really aggressive in that they come after you, or try to “catch you”- you just dont want to go up and grab one that has huge claws.

    Now- the banana spiders. Thats another story. THOSE things freak me out, and right now, they are EVERYWHERE down here.. in broad daylight. On HUGE webs..
    Webs that wrap around you and smash you into a giant spider if you aren’t looking where you are going in the woods.

    Google “banana spider” and you will see my nightmare

    • Riyad Kalla September 14, 2010 at 9:54 pm #

      Oh my lord… THESE things?

      I don’t care for this at all!

      Have you seen the golden orb spider eating a bird post? That is horrifying… I am peaceful to all living things (except cockroaches and mosquitoes) but there are absolutely things I like to shy away from like crazy :)

  45. thatsawzome November 11, 2010 at 11:18 am #

    omg thats sooooooooo funny they scare the fricken crap out of me if i saw 1 of thos!

    lolololol!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  46. curter February 3, 2011 at 7:08 pm #

    Hah… now I know why Billy (from The Grim Adventure of Billy & Mandy) is suffering from arachnophobia …..
    hahaha….

    • immuffy July 21, 2011 at 12:33 pm #

      I <3 that show!!!!!

  47. i hate spiders and crabs February 8, 2011 at 12:45 pm #

    omg! id scream to death if i saw that! how can you kill it? ahhhhhhhh! i hate looking at it! does someone have an ax?

  48. i hate spiders and crabs February 8, 2011 at 12:46 pm #

    does anyone have an ax? to kill those things? id die if i saw one!

  49. i hate spiders and crabs February 8, 2011 at 12:47 pm #

    um can we get rid of those?

  50. NurseLisa March 4, 2011 at 6:38 pm #

    Fuckity shit.
    I had a small heart attack looking at these pics.

    • Riyad Kalla March 10, 2011 at 8:13 am #

      NurseLisa, that is what the crabs want… and then they’ll come for you!

  51. laly December 10, 2011 at 7:06 pm #

    I will die if i see a real one!!

  52. mike April 9, 2012 at 10:17 am #

    i saw that guy in guam playing with thAT crab last year in february weird

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Holy Crab, it’s a big ass Crab! at DeClubz - The Weird and Bizarre Blog - September 9, 2008

    [...] breakitdownblog big ass, coconut crab, coconut crabs, coconuts, meat taste, point of view, robber crabs, shivers, [...]

  2. Elizabeth Talley - June 9, 2009

    http://www.thebuzzmedia.com/insanely-huge-crabs-scare-me/

  3. Welcome To Another Exciting Episode Of Untamed World : Maitri’s VatulBlog - July 14, 2009

    [...] can or Anywhere, it’s game over.  (Holy lobster special, that thing is huge.  Did you know it can crack coconuts with its bare claws and is omnivorous?)  One of us is going down.  Right after I scream like a little girl, begin to [...]

  4. Gautham Nagesh - July 17, 2009

    Insanely Huge Crabs Scare Me http://bit.ly/SvMEz

  5. Malika - July 24, 2009

    apparently “Coconut Crabs” or “Robber Crabs” are of the crab breed “Fuckus Hugeous”. LOL http://tinyurl.com/m55m3c

  6. sanjuro - August 9, 2009

    Oh my goodness: http://bit.ly/f2Ebn

  7. Brian Gorby - August 31, 2009

    Morimoto started cooking one of these on #ironchef http://bit.ly/f2Ebn

  8. christian smellie - October 22, 2009

    http://bit.ly/CEU47 <== one HUGE ass crab!

  9. Tim Bartel (avataryt) 's status on Monday, 02-Nov-09 12:25:05 UTC - Identi.ca - November 2, 2009

    [...] http://www.thebuzzmedia.com/insanely-huge-crabs-scare-me/ a few seconds ago from Gwibber [...]

  10. Helge Fahrnberger - November 2, 2009

    Kleine süße krabbelige Kuscheltiere: http://bit.ly/3frQnv #yikes

  11. Christie Yant - December 14, 2009

    @discorobot and then what if the octopi join forces with the coconut crabs? http://tinyurl.com/ydbqles (just TRY to sleep now.)

  12. Eamonn Murphy - December 15, 2009

    @Glinner Speaking of coconuts and terms like "Whoah": http://www.thebuzzmedia.com/insanely-huge-crabs-scare-me/

  13. Crabs or Crabs? « Assemblage Project Wrt 320 - March 10, 2010

    [...] or Crabs? I found this site while perusing through pictures a friend posted [...]

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