I love tattoos. I love everything about getting a tattoo. I love the anticipation of the tattoo, the tawdry feeling of subversiveness that comes with hanging out in the tattoo parlor, the knowledge that you are going to leave looking a little more badass than when you walked in, and ESPECIALLY the searing sting and deafening SNAP of the tattoo gun, followed by the glistening sheen of the A&D ointment on your crisp and colorful new Rembrandt…but, most of all, the epiphany of finally finding “the” tattoo. The perfect artistic representation of YOU, RIGHT NOW.
GOOD tattoos are beautiful.
Unfortunately, anyone of legal age with a hundred bucks in their pocket can get a tattoo. Since there is no manner of “good taste” sieve to sift out the bad decisions, drunken pranks, and general, downright ugly, those of us with well-thought-out, artful, and spectacular tattoos are forced into the same category as the hideously ubiquitous “unicorn on my shoulder” and “rose on my breast” tattoos…blech. Of course, the placement of those is interchangeable.
Don’t fool yourself into thinking you are above reproach because your unicorn is on your breast and your rose is on your shoulder…that doesn’t make either of them more attractive peeking out of the lacy straps of your Harley-Davidson tank top, sweetie. Here, let me hold your beer for a second so you can flick the four inch ash from the tip of your Marlboro, and dig the ill-fitting daisy dukes out of your cameltoe.
Of course, as cheap and trashy as those tattoos are, and forever WILL be, at least they are not a colorful, bloody tampon.
You wanna talk about REGRET? How the hell are going to explain this to your mother? “But MOM, it’s an HOMAGE to ABSORBENCY!!!” I suppose anyone with THAT tattoo is less concerned with what their mother is thinking, and more concerned about what goodies they might be able to dig out of her bathroom trash. Bite. Pull. Fling. Vomit. Why not just get a tattoo of an honest-to-GOD douche bag, complete with nozzle and hose attachment? Oh, because THAT might be considered gross and inappropriate. Seriously, how incomprehensibly retarded do you have to be?
Okay, I guess you have to be AT LEAST this retarded. What in fresh hell is “TRADGEY?” This tattoo is a tragedy. Come ON…this is a permanent message, irreparably carved into your flesh for the rest of your natural life and incapable of being rectified. The recipient had to approve this before it was made permanent. Serves you RIGHT, ASSHOLE…SPELL CHECK YOUR TATTOO.
Is that Dionne Warwick? WTF?
Here we have Patrick Swayze looking like a primordial dwarf…in addition to the OBVIOUS shortcomings of this monstrosity. I would really like to know the back-story on this one. It’s the perfect marriage of ballsy and stupid, since nobody else is going to get the joke. “I am looking for something to cover up this cheap looking rose tattoo…”
I friggin’ HATE, HATE, HATE people that have stupid tattoos…and I don’t mean that I hate the tattoos, I HATE THE PEOPLE. You wanna know why? BECAUSE THEY ARE F*CKING STUPID!!!! That is not to say that everyone WITH tattoos is stupid, obviously that isn’t true…I have seen people covered from head to toe in beautiful tattoos, but people that don’t put any thought into their tattoos, or the ramifications of getting a STUPID tattoo, deserve to look like the assholes they invariably are. What’s next? A tattoo of a masturbating Jesus? Maybe Mother Theresa’s leprotic snatch? I mean, there is an entire world of tasteless body art that has yet to be tapped, and millions of useless dickwads that are more than willing to sacrifice their own personal dignity to be a part of the problem…
No sweat, I have the perfect tattoo for them…