Or maybe he’s just been listening to this year’s finalists on Americal Idol…certainly, he must be in charge of song choice, if nothing else.
I was thinking about what I could say about my addiction to American Idol. Should I talk about how I look forward to the annual January audition shows as though it was the first holiday of the year? Or, perhaps I should talk about how much I like to mock the talentless droves that turn out, in tens of thousands. No, I think I am going to instead bag on my least favorite contestants!
Enter Scott MacIntyre:
He’s like the Greatest American Hero meets Lawnmower Man. He’s blind as a bat and can’t sing a note. The judges, particularly our favorite drug-seeking, word-slurring, accessory-whoring Laker Girl, seem to mollycoddle him as though he has genuine talent. He can play the piano just fine, but, on his BEST DAY, he sounds like Michael W. Smith straining to pass a hard stool. He needs to go. He’s a nice guy, but he’s GOT to get voted off. This is not what America wants to hear…this is someone that America wants to keep around so they can amuse themselves with his incredibly dippy countenance. I am sure he’s a nice guy, seriously, but don’t string him along because he’s blind. He doesn’t need pity. He needs to sing inspirational music.
When he goes, he can feel free to take this tramp with him:
This is Megan Joy, formerly Megan Corkrey. I think we can just shorten it to “meh,” if I am being completely honest. It hurts my feelings to listen to her caterwalling. It is THAT BAD. The thing is that, at first blush, it SEEMS like she can sing, but as you listen you realize that she is forcing these sounds out of her body as though she doesn’t know how to stop them, and she appears to be suffering from an advanced case St. Vitus’ Dance.
I can’t figure out how to get the damn youtube video embedded (I did that one time, and it was a friggin’ miracle), but I strongly urge you all to see exactly how loudly and broadly she sucks by watching her warble her way through “For Once in my Life”…it’s just jawdroppingly horrific. If you are so inclined, you might also check out her rendition of “I Go Walkin’ After Midnight.” I had no idea someone could sound so bad and look so terrible at the same time. The dress she was wearing made her look like a melting candle, and her boobs looked like bags of sand. And what an ugly tattoo, seriously.
Now, for the good stuff…
This is Adam Lambert. He is criminally hot. He is also a good singer, very much, and cute, too, also. We at UP MY OWN ASS, fully endorse Adam Lambert! All of us. I am speaking for everyone.
Again, if I COULD embed a video, it would be his rendition of “Ring of Fire” followed by “Tracks of my Tears.” Maybe the fair and wise King Editor will embed these videos for me!
Cute as a button, I tell ya.
Except that Adam Lambert robbed ‘Play That Funky Music White Boy’ of everything that makes it good…also he managed to take the funk all the way out of it, which is quite a feat given the title. I know you don’t like the song to begin with but liking it a lot I can say with absolute certainty that his version is very broken.
That being said, his version of Ring of Fire was very good.
Okay, “Play that Funky Music White Boy” has GOT to be one of the top ten worst songs of all time. That being said, the fact that I did NOT HATE Adam’s rendition of it means he made the song palatable. He’s AWESOME.
So, put THAT funky music into your pipe and SMOKE IT, white boy.
“Ring of Fire” rocks in a very “That was bizarre but I think I liked it” way.
OH, and I give Scott props this week. He didn’t suck.
I am eternally grateful that MEGAN JOYSUCKER was FINALLY booted from the show. She was a cocky bitch with a TERRIBLE singing voice.
I watch American Idol even though I can not stand the music whatsoever. I was rooting for Megan because I love the really bad singers in a “Vote for the Worst” kind of way, and I agree that Adam is probably the most talented, but good looking? Really?!?! His face looks like its been through as much trauma as Mickey Rourke’s. Either he has Michael Myers acne scars or Priscilla Presley botched Botox but his face is jacked up!
I guess I will root for Anoop now since he is the worst one left.
His face is not jacked up…it’s not like he looks like Bruce Jenner, for crissakes. Why don’t you make fun of the ugly way that Kris Allen sings, with his face all crumpled like Rick Moranis, and his mouth protruding from the side of this face?
I stand pat…Adam is cute.
So, what I am to believe, is, that, you think Adam is “criminally hot” AND cute? HMPH. I bet he’s a manwhore and anyone who sleeps with him is singing “ring of fire” alright!
But you, YOU MIKAL, are my one and only…you are the wind beneath my wings…
I didn’t say I thought he wasn’t a f*ckbeast, just that he was cute.
Sorry, Katie, but I must say that I dislike Adam with the “intensity of a thousand white-hot suns.” If it weren’t for the restriction of mailing hazardous waste, I would send him a care package of some of April’s freshest diaper doozies.
Now I got tuh cutcha.
To those who care…. Adam Lambert is on the way to R E A L big things. When his year long tour is done with Idol, We are all going to hear him on many different radio stations and TV as well. This is no ordinary talent we see every year on idol….this guy is REMARKABLE to say the least. I seldom buy a CD, but this guys music…I will own it!
Hollywood will make him into a star in some fashion also. He has the Elvis looks, humble, professional, cameras love him, young, fearless & can sing ANY style music you throw at him.
“Anoop” aka – Everybody Loves Raymond look-a-like has to LEAVE PLEASE