Man, woman or child, if I see someone wearing a Santa hat, I want to knock it off their stupid heads. You’re taking the Christ out of Christmas; I’m taking that queer hat right of your damn head. Especially a grown man. If you’re an adult male wearing a Santa hat to work, you should not only be fired, you should be gang raped with a Yule log by Human Resources.
The only time I enjoy seeing a person in a Santa hat is if they’re in a coffin at their own wake. That’s funny. And if it’s a child, it’s downright adorable. Take the hat off. You look like an ass, and more than a bit of a homosexual, to be honest with you.
That’s right. Santa’s gay.
I’m joking, kids. Santa’s not gay. How can he be? He doesn’t exist. Yes, son. Santa’s a fake. Just like the moon landing and the Holocaust.
How can we con our children into believing in Santa Claus in the Internet age? Surely, amid all the pornography they’re viewing, they’ll stumble upon some site telling them Kris Kringle ain’t real. We should bury Santa already.
Knock the Santa hat off their heads. I hate seeing an atheist in a Santa hat. Oh, you don’t believe in our Lord and Savior, but you’ll wear the hat of some fat, made up fruit. That’s beautiful.
You know what else I hate? Mexicans. Coming up here and stealing all our toys. Dirty, rotten Grincheros.
On a more serious note, I overheard a man at a grocery store chewing the ear off of a woman working in the deli. He wanted to protest outside of Walgreen’s and Church’s because they were open on Christmas Day. He went on this Bill O’Reilly-type tirade about how it’s one day a year. Can’t they be closed for just one day?
But then, I thought, think of the little Jewish boy who needs his prescription filled…
“Why can’t I have my pills today, Mommy?”
“Because of the goyim, bubbala.”
“But I need my pills.”
“But Jesus was born today, boychick. Ergo, you will have to do without your medicine until tomorrow.”
“Can’t I even have some chicken?”
“No. Sorry. We Jews have to stay inside today. The Christians rule the world after all.”
“Oy vey! Can’t we start a war on Christmas?”
“We tried that, sweetie. But there are far too many meshuggina Culture Warriors who will fight us to the death. Now, go to sleep. Gay shlafen. Mazel tov.”
Even though another Christmas is over, let’s all enjoy some eggnog. I love the smell of eggnog in the morning.
I am so sorry but I can’t believe you said the Holocaust was fake! It was rude & ugly & I laughed so hard I think a testicle ascended back into my abdomen
Don’t take this gayly, as if I’m sphincter diver or somethin’ but……..I love you man!
It’s funny because it’s true. Wait. I mean IRONIC! Ergo, not true.
Chris Brown has a very girly face.
There’s only one problem with your argument…
http://tiny.cc/EUbDz