Even though I am really indignant and annoyed right now, I have decided to turn my frown upside down by creating a list of all the things for which I am thankful this season. So, here goes:
I am thankful for my family. They are lovely and do lovely things, mostly.
I am thankful for these nice flannel jammies that I got at a yard sale for a buck. They fit me perfectly and they keep me toasty warm. They are April fresh. I am sleepy.
I am thankful for Downy for being April fresh.
I am thankful that I am not an intractable douchebag. Some people are and you can recognize them by the way they lie like cheap rugs, defraud people, and steal their money.
I am thankful for Glee. Duh.
I am thankful that I don’t look like Bruce Vilanch. I am thankful that most people don’t look like Bruce Vilanch.
I am thankful that I don’t have to drag my laundry to a laundromat.
I am thankful that I don’t have a goiter or syphilis.
I am thankful that I don’t have a big ass that prevents me from wearing dresses because of the constant wedgie that I would have. Dress wedgies are awful.
Finally, I am thankful that I have a delightful place to rant, and people that read my rants – even if they don’t like them and tell me, in very poorly spelled, hard-to-read words, that I suck harder than a Hoover.
Have a spectacular Thanksgiving. Enjoy much merriment!
